Once More Into the Ring

Ahead of the big "friendly" USA-Mexico game today, Luis Hernandez has a new commercial for Wells Fargo similar to the Landon Donovan one. It's to introduce a banking app in Spanish. 

Like Donovan's, the scenario is a coach handing out jerseys to players, and Hernandez, as the new addition, uses his banking app to send in his payment quickly. But a crucial difference (as well as a tip of the hat to the Mexican fan loyalty in the rivalry) is that as soon as Hernandez pulls the jersey over his head, his hair magically grows into the long tresses he once sported, complete with a headband. Everyone on his team recognizes him and celebrates having a legend on their team. 

Hernandez then runs to the field in triumph, despite never actually having touched the ball yet. "El Matador" was indeed a Mexico icon. While his Galaxy career wasn't spectacular and he lost to LD and the USA in 2002 in the World Cup, he gets the last laugh here.

Lobster Bib Rankings (Oct. 13)

Two weeks left in the regular season and most clubs are sinking. There are four clubs worth a damn right now (those ranked, conveniently enough 1-4), a fifth that can go either way and nine clubs who can't get their acts together, nine clubs that vary from pathetic to uber-pathetic. And nine clubs who still have a chance of reaching MLS Cup 08.

Gotta love the playoff chase.



1. Columbus Crew (16-6-6). Can't imagine any other team occupying this spot for the rest of this season.
2. Houston (11-5-11). Need points to stave off a hard-charging Chivas squad.
3. Chivas USA (12-10-6). Few gave them a shot of repeating as conference champs, but that's exactly what could happen.
4. Chicago (12-9-7). May have sent message to Columbus: watch out for Fire in conference title game...
5. New England (12-9-7)... which New England have little shot of reaching now that Steve Ralston has a broken leg.
6. Real Salt Lake (9-10-9). Rio Tinto Stadium better become a house of horrors for opponents soon if RSL wants to reach postseason.
7. FC Dallas (8-9-11). Dropping points at home means must-win road games coming up.
8. Kansas City (9-10-9). Wizards sit in a playoff spot despite horrendous road record.
9. Colorado (10-14-4). Needing a win, Rapids came out with a losing effort against LA.
10. Toronto (8-12-8). Can't afford to drop points like that... well, they couldn't if they were actually alive.
11. Los Angeles (8-12-8). Nothing like two consecutive home wins to get a little fire going.
12. San Jose (7-11-9). It was too difficult for first-year club to maintain midseason surge.
13. DC (10-14-4). Road shutout is nothing to hang heads about for this disaster of a club.
14. New York (9-10-9). 14 goals allowed in last six games - that's not the way to close out a season.

Lye Burns Rankings (Oct. 6)

Anyone up for a Crew-Dynamo MLS Cup? That only seems fair right now, the way the season is playing out. Of course, it probably won't happen. But those are the top two teams in the rankings and really, if they aren't 1-2 in your rankings, you must use some skewed formula that doesn't reward teams for success.

1. Columbus (16-6-5). With a plus-15, only club with a goal differential of plus-10 or more.
2. Houston (11-5-10). Five losses a league low.
3. Chicago (12-9-6). Fire have been maddeningly inconsistent recently - five wins, five losses and a draw in last 11.
4. New England (12-8-7). Somehow managed to come-from-behind and draw... which I suppose is some sort of positive.
5. Chivas USA (11-10-6). Five wins in last six - and four of them have been against Eastern teams.
6. Real Salt Lake (9-10-8). Road point at this stage of season is fine but a win could have been massive.
7. FC Dallas (8-9-10). Playoff spot is theirs to lose.
8. Colorado (10-13-4). Picked a bad time to get blown out.
9. San Jose (7-10-9). Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.
10. Kansas City (8-10-9). Will regret not having picked up full three points at home.
11. Toronto (8-12-7). Chad Barrett finally showing some signs of becoming a valuable forward.
12. DC United (10-14-3). What a miserable season DC has had.
13. New York (9-10-8). With playoff races heating up, Red Bulls lose two home games by a combined 8-5. Defense? Ha.
14. LA Galaxy (7-12-8). Galaxy competing with Kings for worst professional sports team in LA... and what do they have in common again? That's right, AEG.

Leftist Brigade Rankings (Sept. 22)

It was an odd week in the standings. The top teams from last week did well and so did most of the teams near the bottom. The middle-of-the-pack, though, had some downright terrible losses as DC, New York and Chicago were all embarrassed soundly.

It had a slight affect on the table, though the top and bottom didn't change too much.

1. Columbus (14-6-5). Showing they can win without Barros Schelotto - aka the 2008 MLS MVP.
2. Houston (10-5-9). A week without a match to try and personally recover from damaging hurricane.
3. New England (12-7-6). Draw on the road was positive; now comes potential top-of-conference showdown with Columbus.
4. San Jose (7-9-8). Moved up here partly by default, partly because 'Quakes haven't lost in more than two months.
5. Chicago (11-9-5). Only bad losses by teams that were at 6 and 7 a week ago prevented Chicago from slipping further.
6. Colorado (9-12-4). Well in the playoff hunt out west. Still not sure if that says more about the Rapids or the Western Conference...
7. New York (9-8-8). One of the league's worst road teams.
8. Chivas USA (9-10-6). Became first team in league to beat Real Salt Lake at Rice-Eccles Stadium this year.
9. FC Dallas (7-9-9). When they're on, FC Dallas has potential to be a conference finalist, if not more.
10. Kansas City (8-9-8). Look who's alive in the playoff race.
11. DC United (10-12-3). Yeah, they got hosed on a 63rd-minute red card, but it's not like everything was great for the first 62 minutes either.
12. Real Salt Lake (8-10-7) Completely terrible way to lose at home; RSL's playoff hopes took serious dent.
13. LA Galaxy (7-11-8). First win since June 14 not enough to get Galaxy out of last place in the Western Conference.
14. Toronto (7-11-7). Shining light for Toronto FC fans: the Maple Leafs broke camp recently.

Leonidas (the) Brave Rankings (Sept. 15)

Okay, so not sure if he had the Brave following his name but King Leonidas ruled. just watched 300 last night for, oh, the 300th time. Good movie, lots of action, good fighting. MLS... not always the most action, some good fights, some dull ones. Still, not a whole lot of intrigue right now. East is pretty much decided save for positioning. The West has two good teams and a bunch of inconsistent slop.

Anyway, here are the rankings.

1. Columbus (13-6-5). Last time Crew tied in Toronto, a lengthy losing streak followed; Crew's a better team these days, though.
2. Houston (10-5-9). Didn't lose to league's hottest team.
3. New England (12-7-5). Nothing like a 4-0 ass-whipping to turn things around.
4. Chicago (11-8-5). So should Chicago worry after Busch's shakiness on Sunday?
5. San Jose (7-9-8). Yes, it was Houston but 'Quakes probably feel like they left points on the table.
6. DC United (10-11-3). A rarity for DC - a draw.
7. New York (9-7-8). Things turned around quickly for New York; get 'em off the road and Red Bulls ain't half bad.
8. Colorado (9-12-3). Don't look now but Colorado is improving at, well, a rapid rate.
9. Real Salt Lake (8-9-7). For all their progress this season, RSL still has a piss-poor 1-9-2 road record.
10. Chivas USA (8-10-6). Injuries, absences caught up to Chivas in Foxboro.
11. FC Dallas (6-9-9). Went from a gritty road win to bad road loss to acceptable road result.
12. Kansas City (7-9-8). Much-needed points at home also helped Wizards avenge earlier loss at Galaxy.
13. Toronto (7-10-7). Should have done better to protect 1-0 lead at home.
14. Los Angeles (6-11-8). Good news is, only Colorado gained full three points out west. Bad news is, the Galaxy looked awful.

Lake Balaton Rankings (Sept. 8)

Five points if you can guess what country Lake Balaton is in?

For the record, I'd have scored a zero.

Anyway, here are the rankings. One team is on a surge and has shot up, up, up the rankings. They're not in a playoff position yet but I'd take them to beat all the teams from 6-14 without question, at least at home.

1. Columbus (13-6-4). Impressive takedown of Revolution, even if Revs are struggling.
2. Houston (10-5-8). Kei Kamara might be this year's Joseph Ngwenya, struggling forward who comes in, finds his way and helps club in playoffs.
3. Chicago (11-7-5). No Blanco, no problem as Fire dispatch former coach with a shutout win.
4. New England (11-7-5). Went from Supporters Shield favorites to a third-place spot in East in no time.
5. San Jose (7-9-7). 4-0-1 in last five games, more than two months without a loss... still can't believe all this is from expansion team.
6. DC United (10-11-2). Last week wasn't all that bad - after all, they did win a cup.
7. New York (8-7-8). No goals in last two road games as overall road record (1-6-5) is still abysmal.
8. Chivas USA (8-9-6). Won game despite no Kljestan, Harris, Marsch, Suarez, Thomas, Talley, Vaughn, Galindo.
9. Real Salt Lake (8-8-7). Were 22 minutes away from massive step forward.
10. Colorado (9-12-3). Don't give 'em up for dead yet... even though I did a week ago.
11. FC Dallas (6-9-8). Awful result for FC Dallas.
12. Los Angeles (6-9-8). So this team can score without Becks and LD.
13. Kansas City (6-9-8). Only Kevin Hartman is keeping this team from losing 5-0 every week.
14. Toronto FC (7-10-6). With or without its internationals, this team just isn't very good.

Labor (Day) Barbecue Rankings (Sept. 1)

Actually, I won't be home to fire up the grill and cook up some tasty burgers or skewers for anybody today... but it sure does sound good.

Some teams deserve a day off today based on performances from the weekend. Others deserve extra work for their own putrid effort.


1. Columbus (12-6-4). The Eastern Conference/Supporter's Shield is theirs to lose - seven of remaining eight games against Eastern teams.
2. Houston (9-5-8). Everything is coming together for two-time defending champions.
3. New England (11-6-5). Dropping points against weak western team at home is not how Revs will win the East.
4. Chicago (10-7-5). The first of many Blanco-to-McBride goal combinations did not result in win.
5. DC United (10-10-2). Louis Crayton picks up his third shutout for DC.
6. New York (8-6-8). Road shutout and point sign of good club as New York carries over solid play on road.
7. San Jose (6-9-7). Earthquakes well on their way toward improbable playoff run.
8. Real Salt Lake (8-8-6). Must hold serve at home if RSL wants to reach playoffs for first time.
9. Chivas USA (7-9-6). Atiba Harris throws in yet another standout effort.
10. FC Dallas (6-8-8). Tough loss but it did come against MLS' best team.
11. Kansas City (6-8-8). Actually scored a goal on the road, and a nice one at that, but went for nothing.
12. Toronto FC (7-9-6). Suicide defending led to nothing on the road yet again.
13. Los Angeles (6-9-7). Turns out Josh Wicks is no better than Steve Cronin.
14. Colorado (7-12-3). Rapids may as well start thinking about 2009.

Luca Brasi Rankings (Aug. 25)

It isn't quite time yet to sink any teams but there are several clubs who look like the should be sleeping with the fishes. There seems to be a big dropoff between six and seven this week. I'd take any team from the top six over any team from the bottom eight - with the possible exception of the slowly climbing number eight club - in a home-and-away series or a one-off match.



1. Columbus (11-6-4). The Crew might be starting to really come together as a team, which is a scary thought for rest of the league.
2. Chicago (10-6-5). Blanco and McBride have yet to start a game together, but that should change Sunday at Houston.
3. New England (11-6-4). Four points in two games is quick turnaround from previous skid.
4. DC United (10-10-1). Two shutouts in three games for Louis Crayton? Should have made the move sooner.
5. Houston (8-5-8). Chinks in the armor? Houston gets slapped hard by New York...
6. New York (8-6-7)... who despite the win still find themselves one spot under the Dynamo. Sorry, can't discount Houston's midweek 4-0 win.
7. FC Dallas (6-7-8). Payback's a bitch as KC pulls out late draw.
8. San Jose (5-9-7). Road draw moves 'Quakes to within striking distance of playoff spot.
9. Real Salt Lake (7-8-6). Gonna have to do better than 1-8-1 road mark, worst in the league.
10. Toronto (7-8-6). Banking on aging Carlos Ruiz to get back into playoff chase; quite a risky proposition.
11. Kansas City (6-7-8). Back to old KC as only offense comes from a defender.
12. Chivas USA (6-9-6). Need more minutes from Razov, Eskandarian, et al for Red-and-White to have a chance.
13. Colorado (7-11-3). So much for getting off to good start under new coach.
14. Los Angeles (6-9-6). Bruce Arena learns tough lesson in first game: no Landon, no Becks, no offense, no hope.

Little Bill Rankings (Aug. 18)

The top six shuffled around but stayed unchanged. And the two local teams slipped to the bottom two spots.

Why? Because they aren't any good right now.

1. Columbus (10-6-4). Could the Crew be poised for a run at the top spot in the East?
2. Chicago (9-6-6). Positives: McBride and Blanco together on the field. Negatives: Pretty much everything else.
3. New England (10-6-3). Still wondering if those highlights I saw were real.
4. DC United (9-9-1). If Zach Wells doesn't play again for United, it might not be a bad thing.
5. Houston (7-4-8). Only Western team that's pretty much a lock for the playoffs...
6. Real Salt Lake (7-7-6)... though this one is close too.
7. New York (7-6-7). A winning streak? Can that be possible?
8. FC Dallas (6-6-7). Unlucky not to get result, but this team is looking better and better with each passing game.
9. San Jose (5-9-6). Welcome to the playoff race, San Jose.
10. Toronto FC (7-8-5). Edu's gone, and so are TFC's hopes.
11. Colorado (7-10-3). Casey wills team to victory but is it too little, too late?
12. Kansas City (6-7-7). Back to losing ways for KC.
13. Chivas USA (6-8-5). Mediocrity would be...
14. Los Angeles (6-8-6)... an improvement for these sad sack sides.

Lhasa Bound Rankings (Aug. 11)

We're almost due for another round of my awards updates. I ran one after most teams had played 10 games, back in June. We've got most teams now within one or two games of their 20th games, so that should come up soon enough.

For now, here's where the teams stand as I see them.

1. Chicago (9-5-5). Long climb back to the top punctuated by come-from-behind win over...
2. New England (10-5-3)... this team, who for some reason can't beat the Fire.
3. Columbus (9-6-4). Crew face three stiff Western tests: FC Dallas home and away, RSL at home.
4. Real Salt Lake (7-6-6). West seems like a three-team race, and RSL's part of that trio.
5. DC United (8-9-1). So much for building some momentum after first shutout of year.
6. Houston (6-4-8). Houston was due for a title-game loss to New England.
7. FC Dallas (6-6-7). Introducing Kenny Cooper, your 2008 Most Valuable Player.
8. Toronto FC (7-7-5). What's more surprising - that Toronto won a road game or that Chad Barrett scored a goal?
9. Kansas City (6-6-7). What's this? Signs of offensive life?
10. New York (6-6-7). After you play Barcelona, the rest of the league seems like amatuers.
11. San Jose (4-9-6). Best team in California right now.
12. LA Galaxy (6-8-5). Not looking forward to this upcoming Clasico...
13. Chivas USA (6-8-4)... at all. Wake me when it's over.
14. Colorado (6-10-3). Fernando Clavijo should pen a book called "Enduring Failure: How to Keep Your Job Despite Consistently Terrible Output."

99 LuftBallons Rankings (Aug. 4)

99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont...

By the way, luft doesn't translate to red. Luft is air but red apparently sounded better.



1. New England (10-4-3). Will jump right back into the fray against its most difficult opponent on Saturday...
2. Chicago (8-5-5)... as Fire will visit New England, with Cuauhtemoc Blanco back from one-match ban.
3. DC United (8-8-1). No, he wasn't exactly Iker Casillas but Zach Wells got his first shutout of the year.
4. Columbus (9-6-4). Three points total from two western venues may not be such a bad thing.
5. Real Salt Lake (7-6-6). In solid footing out west; one of few Western clubs who can say that.
6. Houston (6-4-8). Brad Davis' goal was sublime. Brian Ching's wasnt, but at least he put it in back of net.
7. FC Dallas (6-6-7). Every time Cooper scores, the back of the net makes a sound similar to a cash register.
8. Chivas USA (6-7-4). Good news is, Maykel Galindo and Alecko Eskandarian both played on Saturday.
9. Los Angeles (6-8-5). With this defense, Galaxy needs to score four goals a game to have a shot of winning.
10. Toronto FC (6-7-5). Stick a fork in TFC if they can't win at BMO Field.
11. Kansas City (5-6-7). Wasn't Claudio Lopez supposed to score goals for KC? Wasn't that part of the deal?
12. Colorado (6-9-3). Have both must-win and sure-win next week as Toronto FC visits DSG Park.
13. San Jose (4-9-6). 'Quakes didn't look like an expansion team on Sunday.
14. New York (5-6-7). Red Bulls took week off to prepare for an ass-kicking from Barcelona.

Lankershim Boulevard Rankings (July 29)

I get a kick out of people calling the MLS All-Star Game the All-Star Break. Where exactly was the break? Moving games from Saturday to Sunday?

Anyway, here are my latest rankings which came a day later than normal because of the RSL-Toronto match on Monday.

1. New England (10-4-3). Mighty Revs may be getting mighty tired of not playing any league games.
2. Columbus (9-5-4). Played with 10 men, yielded 17 corner kicks but still walked away with win.
3. Chicago (7-5-5). Good news: you've got McBride. Bad news: US has him first.
4. DC United (7-8-1). Looks like SuperLiga negatives carried over into league play.
5. Real Salt Lake (7-6-6). Another week, another first: never before had this team had more wins than losses this far into the season.
6. Houston (5-4-8). Nate Jaqua is massive upgrade over Franco Caraccio but will that lead to wins?
7. Chivas USA (6-6-4). Dan Kennedy Era begins on Saturday, but will Lance Parker Era follow shortly thereafter?
8. Toronto FC (6-6-5). Only an inept offense could consider an inept forward an upgrade.
9. Los Angeles (6-7-5). Another sign of downward spiral: goal differential is in the negative.
10. FC Dallas (5-6-7). If Cooper goes, so to will playoff hopes.
11. Kansas City (5-5-7). So much for that surge in offense.
12. Colorado (6-9-3). "It wasn't our night" excuse gets old pretty quickly.
13. New York (5-6-7). A little more than a week to prepare for demolition at hands of Barcelona.
14. San Jose (3-9-6). Slowly, and I mean very slowly, this team is starting to look better.

Lifetime Ban Rankings (July 20)

Well, let's see. We had five league games this week and all five ended in a draw. KC-Columbus kicked it off with a 3-3 draw, then San Jose-Toronto and Real Salt Lake-Chicago each went 0-0 while Colorado-FC Dallas and Galaxy-New York went 2-2. No winners, no losers, 10 teams gaining one point apiece.

Meanwhile, DC crashed out of SuperLiga by losing all three games. So much for league momentum. But that doesn't exactly count in these rankings, since I only take into account league form and results.

1. New England (10-4-3). Status quo with MLS' best side.
2. DC United (7-7-1). Good thing that slide won't affect league standings.
3. Columbus (8-5-4). Danny O'Rourke is a terror in the back, and not in a good way.
4. Chicago (7-5-4). Post was both kind and unkind to the Fire.
5. Real Salt Lake (6-6-6). Oh no! That record might be some sort of demonic curse for RSL. Their offense certainly seems cursed.
6. Toronto FC (6-6-4). If they can't win - or even get a point - they need to do so at home, especially against the league's worst team.
7. Chivas USA (6-6-3). Dan Kennedy getting primed for league play in SuperLiga.
8. LA Galaxy (6-6-4). How bad is this defense? New York has four two-goal games this season - two of them have come against the Galaxy.
9. Houston (4-4-8). Winning doesn't seem to be a problem in SuperLiga.
10. Colorado (6-8-2). Christian Gomez's magic flick helped Rapids pull out a point.
11. Kansas City (5-5-6). Josh Wolff might indeed make a difference.
12. FC Dallas (4-6-7). Is that some sings of life from Juan Toja?
13. New York (5-6-6). Rojas might help this sad sack of a club after all.
14. San Jose (3-9-5). Only thing keeping this squad from having double-digit losses is Joe Cannon.

Later, Brad Rankings (July 14)

Been good knowin' ya, Mr. Guzan. In his final effort for Chivas USA, he helped the club maintain a late draw with a stellar save on Thursday against the Galaxy.

The top two is composed of clubs in SuperLiga, although form and results in that tournament won't affect the rankings how I have them here. So New England will remain number one until they get back to league play at least, even if they lose their next two SuperLiga games badly... which they won't of course. Still, I reserve the right to comment on SuperLiga and other non-MLS tournaments.

1. New England (10-4-3). Not even Mexican's champs can slow these guys down.
2. DC United (7-7-1). Perhaps that surge of momentum didn't apply to SuperLiga.
3. Columbus (8-5-3). Yes, the Western Conference is weak; just don't tell that to the Crew.
4. Chicago (7-5-3). Thorrington sets Fire season back on track.
5. Toronto FC (6-6-3). At some point, they'll need to actually win a game in the United States... wait, they did that already... okay, win another game in the USA.
6. Real Salt Lake (6-6-5). First place! Sure, it's a bit misleading but... ahem... First place!
7. Chivas USA (6-6-3). Guzan bids fare-thee-well. Can Parker-Kennedy-Neivas man the fort?
8. LA Galaxy (6-6-3). Three goals in three games - is this offense showing vulnerability?
9. Houston (4-4-8). Eight ties shows this side lacks killer instinct, though Atlante would beg to differ.
10. Colorado (6-8-2). Casey muscles his way toward a Rapids point.
11. Kansas City (5-5-5). Finally, a two-goal effort.
12. FC Dallas (4-6-6). We'll learn a lot about this club pretty quickly: next two games at home versus Colorado, Galaxy.
13. New York (5-6-5). Juan Pablo Angel can't do it alone.
14. San Jose (3-9-4). This team's so infuriatingly frustrating, you'll want to kick your suit jacket.

Loch Benevian Rankings (July 6).

Yes, a day early, but why wait 'til Monday?

As for the rankings, no movement within the top six, that is no team dropped out of the top six. If I could, I'd rate New England at 1, skip two and go straight to three as no team is close to the Revolution these days.

1. New England (10-4-3). First team to 10 victories wins... what exactly, I'm not sure.
2. Columbus (8-4-3). That come-from-behind fight will come in handy come playoff time.
3. DC United (7-7-1). Too bad United didn't have league game this weekend to take advantage of surge in momentum.
4. Toronto FC (6-5-3). In MLS play, Reds are still kings of the BMO castle.
5. Chicago (6-5-3). For a change, defense lets down offense.
6. LA Galaxy (6-6-3). Went 0-2-1 in three-game stretch against East; Galaxy 1-5-1 against East overall with 11 goals scored and 17 goals allowed. 7. Chivas USA (6-6-3). Took a while but Ante Razov is finally coming into form.
8. Real Salt Lake (5-6-5). Unlucky not to have scored a goal or three against Houston.
9. Houston (4-4-8). Lucky not to have allowed a goal or three against Real Salt Lake.
10. New York (5-5-5). Those reinforcements better be good.
11. Colorado (6-8-1). Der's life in dem Rapids after all.
12. FC Dallas (4-6-6). One goal a game, no matter how dramatic, won't win you much.
13. Kansas City (4-5-5). For a team with a pathetic offense, you'd think at least the defense would make a lead stand.
14. San Jose (3-9-3). Look at this way; San Jose is closer to success than '05 Chivas, '05 RSL and '07 Toronto FC.

London Broil Rankings (June 30)

1. New England (9-4-3). Khelli Dube as influential in win as Steve Ralston.
2. Columbus (8-4-2). Effective Ekpo could give Columbus yet another dimension in already strong midfield.
3. DC United (7-7-1). Rout of Galaxy punctuates DC's return.
4. Toronto FC (6-5-3). Getting closer to success on road.
5. LA Galaxy (6-5-3). Thoroughly whipped by resurgent DC.
6. Chicago (6-5-2). This week's essay winner: 333 Minutes of Ineptitude, by Chad Barrett.
7. New York (5-4-5). Osorio getting the most from one of least talented sides in Eastern Conference.
8. Chivas USA (5-6-3). Can't rely on opposing left back's mistakes for offense every week.
9. Houston (4-4-7). At some point, those ties need to turn into wins.
10. Real Salt Lake (5-6-4). What a horrendous way to drop a road point.
11. FC Dallas (4-6-5). Kenny Cooper can't go it alone.
12. Kansas City (4-5-4). Win can't mask team's offensive struggles.
13. Colorado (5-8-1). Can Rapids just put Clavijo out of his misery?
14. San Jose (3-8-3). No quit... and, uh, no offense... in these guys.

A Chance rankings

1 – New England – Points clear away from the pack means a blip in form still equals league lead

2 – Columbus Crew – Last year’s team would never have fought like this, and not have succeeded

3 – Los Angeles – Goals in buckets – concessions like the proverbial holes inside them.

4 – Toronto FC – Home is a fortress for TFC

5 – DC United – Even the defenders are scoring now.

6 – Real Salt Lake – Could make history and have winning record for the first time in team history next match.

7 – Chicago Fire – Slumping, wasting Blanco’s skill and looking out of sync

8 – New York Red Bull – Somehow, someway, getting it done without the big guns.

9 – Houston Dynamo – Still looking for solid production from forwards.

10 – Chivas USA – Have Chicago’s number well in hand

11 – Colorado Rapids – Uninspiring, but especially so in scoreless matches.

12 – FC Dallas – Hyndmann is working with some talent, but a new system is disruptive.

13 – Kansas City Wizards – Can’t seem to remember how to win.
14 – San Jose Earthquakes – At least they scored.

Laurie Berkner Rankings (June 23)

Hey Victor
Hey Freddie
Let's eat some
Spaghetti

1. New England (8-4-3). We'll give them the benefit of the doubt against RSL, having played at home just three days prior to the loss.
2. Toronto (6-4-3). Yes, they can't lose at home but can they piece together consecutive high-scoring games? Answer for now is, NO.
3. LA Galaxy (6-4-3). New Galaxy mantra should be: If we score five goals or more, we can't lose!
4. Columbus (7-4-2). Just change his name to Stephen Lionheart.
5. DC United (6-7-1). Won't win jack with Zach in the back.
6. Chivas USA (5-6-2). No goals for Ante but Razov played key role in attack on Thursday.
7. Chicago (6-5-1). Remember when the Fire had the league's best defense?
8. Real Salt Lake (5-5-4). Could this be the year RSL makes the playoffs for first time? First, they've gotta get some consistency on road.
9. New York (5-4-4). Osorio needs to work miracles with no Angel, Reyna and Altidore.
10. Houston (4-4-6). Hardest-working average team in league.
11. Colorado (5-7-1). Here's a team that could use a coaching change.
12. FC Dallas (4-6-4). Bring back Ferruzzi!
13. Kansas City (3-5-4). Won't claw up standings without scoring on goals.
14. San Jose (3-8-2). Even their goals are ugly.

La Bufadora Rankings (June 16)

1. New England (8-3-2). A healthy Taylor Twellman would make this team downright scary.
2. LA Galaxy (6-4-2). Six goals without Landon Donovan.
3. Toronto (6-4-2). An impressive 17 points at BMO Field.
4. Chicago (6-4-1). Suddenly offense is sputtering. Can McBride save the day?
5. Columbus (7-4-1). Chad Marshall breaks scoreless streak, Alejandro Moreno breaks Wizards' backs.
6. DC United (5-7-1). Finally, my pre-season MLS Cup pick comes to life!
7. Houston (4-4-5). Week 12 lowlight: 'keeper Tony Craig forgot for a moment that he can use his hands.

8. Chivas USA (4-6-2). Bring back Flores!

9. FC Dallas (4-5-4). Another week, another coach. Will players play for Schellas?

10. Real Salt Lake (4-5-3). Unbeaten at home, and finally picked up a road win.

11. Colorado (5-7-0). Thoroughly whipped at Toronto.

12. New York (4-4-3). What's worse, an overrated team with little talent...

13. Kansas City (3-5-3). ... or an overrated team with some talent?

14. San Jose (3-7-1). It's all falling into place now: 'Quakes dead-last with a minus-8 goal differential.

Alternating Conclusions Ranking

1. New England Revolution - The class of the league.
2. Los Angeles - Buddle and Beckham get the job done without Donovan or Ruiz.
3. Toronto - Still have trouble on the road, but are solid gold at home.
4. Columbus - Sigi managed to shake the Crew out of their slumping slumber.
5. Chicago Fire - Perhaps they do need Brian McBride after all
6. DC United - He's alive! Luciano Emilio is back in a big way.
7. Houston Dynamo - At least they beat the Revs when it really matters.
8. FC Dallas - A respectable stint for Marco Ferruzzi.
9. Colorado Rapids - Can't derail the Toronto home juggernaut
10. Chivas USA - Loss to brother expansion side RSL especially stings
11. Real Salt Lake - A rare road game win should be savored
12. New York - Granted, no Altidore, Angel or Reyna, but NY should manage more attack.
13. Kansas City - KC was supposed to be happy at home, but that was ruined this week.
14. San Jose - Dead last again.