Almost Could've Rankings

1. Kansas City Wizards – Not missing Eddie Johnson, not missing a beat.
2. Chicago Fire – Road game squeaker, home game domination – a recipe for a season of success.
3. Chivas USA – Winning while playing less than best is also a good formula for success.
4. DC United – DC gets its DP (Gallardo) involved – but it’s only Toronto, so keep it in perspective.
5. LA Galaxy – Tales of Beckham’s demise have been exaggerated – and Donovan chips in to deny his old team a resurrection win.
6. New York Red Bull – Who needs the Big Two? New York takes care of business in the Big Apple.
7. New England – Ralston and Twellman MIA, helped NE be DOA.
8. Colorado – Scoring is up exponentially this season for the Rapids.
9. Columbus Crew – Will Hesmer gives team hope – now they need strikers to do the same.
10. FC Dallas – Undefeated! Winless.
11. Houston Dynamo – Of course the Dynamo are better than this, but they haven’t shown it yet.
12. Real Salt Lake – Sparks of fight in RSL still aren’t lighting a fire to warm the hearts of their fans.
13. San Jose Earthquakes – All we are saying, is give us a goal.
14. Toronto FC – Scoring is also up this season for Toronto – wins, though, are not.

Last of Bueno's Rankings

1. D.C. United (16-7-7). Only Eastern team to end season with loss.
2. Chivas USA (15-7-8). No. 9's message: "I will play during the 2007 playoffs."
3. Houston (15-8-7). A chink in the armor: Dynamo failed to score up a man for 50 minutes with conference title on line.
4. Chicago (10-10-10). If there's any justice, Blanco will win MVP.
5. New England (14-8-8). Uninsipiring come-from-ahead draw at a bad Toronto team.
6. New York (12-11-7). A new wrinkle with this franchise: club has life entering the postseason.
7. Kansas City (11-12-7). Pieced together solid end-of-season effort for a change.
8. FC Dallas (13-12-5). Annual slump entering playoffs in full effect.
9. Los Angeles (9-14-7). At least Cannon gives a shit.
10. Columbus (9-11-10). Better than their record indicates.
11. Colorado (9-13-8). Seriously, does anyone on this team care about anything?
12. Real Salt Lake (6-15-9). Ended the season on a high.
13. Toronto FC (6-17-7). So do they get a pass on leaving players unprotected? On second thought, not much worth protecting.

Lonely Boys Rankings

1. D.C. United (16-6-7). Best regular-season team once again.
2. Chivas USA (15-7-7). Cracks in the armor; can they score consistently without Ante?
3. Houston (15-8-6). Rapids kept Houston in race for West's top spot.
4. New England (14-8-7). Bad loss to Crew sets up series with Bulls.
5. Chicago (9-10-10). DC, Chivas - and now Houston - want no part of Blanco.
6. FC Dallas (13-11-5). Great giveaway (Toja wig), horrid match (0-0) against Chivas USA.
7. New York (12-11-6). Jose Burciaga should have been named New York's man of the match.
8. Los Angeles (9-13-6). Wins coming at a fast pace? Still enough time left?
9. Colorado (9-12-8). Surprise, surprise. Look who still has life.
10. Kansas City (10-12-7). So much potential, so little production.
11. Columbus (8-11-10). Meaningless win leaves fans to ponder Sigi's fate.
12. Toronto (6-17-6). Bad news for TFC fans: Maple Leafs suck too.
13. Real Salt Lake (5-15-9). Forget expansion - can we just swap Real Salt Lake for Seattle Sounders?

Late Bueno Rankings

Just realized I never got around to making my weekly MLS rankings... Sorry about that...

1. D.C. United (16-6-6). Trying not to take foot off accelerator because if they do...
2. Chivas USA (15-6-6). ... this team will win Supporters' Shield.
3. New England (14-7-7). Road loss understandable given USOC final win.
4. Houston (14-8-6). But what excuse does Houston have?
5. Chicago (9-10-9). Blanco for MVP campaign officially kicks off.
6. FC Dallas (13-11-4). Hoops trying different approach: play inconsistent soccer in regular season in attempt to avoid Rapids in first round.
7. New York (11-11-6). Prime example of backing into playoffs: New York loses at Toronto, falls to 0-3-2 over last five but still punches postseason ticket.
8. Los Angeles (8-13-6). Win rest of games and they're in... but hasn't it been like that since Day One?
9. Kansas City (10-11-7). Wizards trying desperately to choke away third consecutive playoff spot; this team, though, might not let that happen.
10. Colorado (8-12-8). Poster children for making change to playoff system: the 2007 Colorado Rapids still have postseason hopes this late in the year.
11. Columbus (7-11-10). Is the Sigi Schmid Era nearing and end?
12. Toronto FC (6-16-6). Followed up stunning 2-1 result with a now-that's-more-like-it 1-0 loss.
13. Real Salt Lake (5-14-9). Relegation-worthy side.

Little one's Birthday Rankings

1. D.C. United (16-6-5). Supporters' Shield within reach after 4-1 drubbing of Toronto.
2. Chivas USA (14-6-6). Hold their own Western Conference fate in their hands.
3. Houston (14-7-6). If Sunday was a playoff preview, first round will be a breeze.
4. New England (14-6-7). Scrappy win over supposed playoff contender.
5. Chicago (8-10-9). Nearly beat league's best home team.
6. New York (11-10-6). Snatched a point at home as playoff spot draws near.
7. Kansas City (10-11-7). Swapped spots despite a loss because losing 1-0 at home...
8. FC Dallas (12-11-4). ...ain't nearly as bad as getting smashed 3-0 at home.
9. Los Angeles (7-13-6). Teasing fans late in the season yet again.
10. Columbus (7-9-11). Horrendous. Just plain horrendous.
11. Real Salt Lake (5-13-9). Nearly left New York with a win.
12. Colorado (7-12-8). Does this team even care?
13. Toronto (5-15-6). Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel for Toronto FC fans - Oct. 3: Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Ottawa Senators.

(It's my daughter Yvie's fourth birthday today. Princess party time at the Bueno house. Yay.)

Light Beer Rankings

1. D.C. United (15-6-5). Have most points, scored most goals, have best goal-differential.
2. Chivas USA (14-6-5). Ran record against Eastern Conference foes to 8-2-3 with win over Kansas City.
3. Houston (13-7-6). Could do nothing to prevent Chivas from going into first place; Western Conference fate is out of their hands.
4. New England (13-6-7). Not once but twice blew a lead against New York.
5. Chicago (8-10-8). No team wants a part of Chicago come playoff time.
6. New York (11-10-5). Good job, Grandpa - Doe leads New York back against New England.
7. FC Dallas (12-10-4). Lots of talent but strangely mediocre.
8. Kansas City (10-10-6). Outplayed Chivas USA at Home Depot Center; a rarity this season. Still lost, though.
9. Columbus (7-9-10). Sigi's boys say "Don't give a playoff spot to Chicago just yet."
10. Colorado (7-11-8). Hardest team to figure out; with playoff spot in sight, Rapids lay an egg.
11. Real Salt Lake (5-13-8). Four points from two games; where was this production when it mattered?
12. Los Angeles (5-13-6). See above.
13. Toronto (5-14-6). New-and-improved scoreless streak now at 88 minutes.

Lively Ballroom Rankings

1. D.C. United (15-6-4). In line to claim Supporters Shield, home-field throughout playoffs.
2. Chivas USA (13-6-5). Will pass up Houston for good next weekend.
3. Houston (13-7-6). For now, Dynamo only Western team to secure playoff spot.
4. New England (13-6-6). Revs' dismantling of FC Dallas precursor to USOC final?
5. New York (11-10-4). Kings of inconsistency.
6. Chicago (8-10-6). Blanco scores goal, sets up another in thrilling draw.
7. FC Dallas (12-9-3). Pescadito's finishing lone bright spot in otherwise forgettable performance.
8. Kansas City (10-9-6). Two stoppage-time goals changed fortunes of two clubs.
9. Colorado (7-10-8). Doing just enough to stay in playoff race.
10. Columbus (6-9-10). That was your season, Crew.
11. Real Salt Lake (4-12-7). Man down, road point. Could have been worse.
12. Toronto FC (5-13-6). Whatever the global scoreless record is, TFC will challenge for it.
13. Los Angeles (4-13-5). Frank Yallop assesses Galaxy defense: Our confidence level is piss poor, especially at the back. Anytime anyone attacks us, it seems like we're shitting ourselves.

EDIT: Spent the morning looking at Euro records and had NY's record wrong.

Low Bass Rankings

1. Indianapolis (1-0). Champs picked up right where they left off, and shut down a high-powered attack to boot.
2. New England (1-0). Welcome back, Randy Moss.
3. San Diego... oh wait, wrong rankings.

Ahem.

1. D.C. United (14-6-4). Cross-country trip had no ill affects for MLS's top side.
2. Chivas USA (12-6-4). 7-2-3 against Eastern Conference foes. Let me repeat that... SEVEN-TWO-AND-THREE against the "stronger" conference.
3. Houston (12-7-6). Took foot off gas early, but not too early, against a weak RSL side.
4. New England (12-6-6). Poised to take control of Eastern Conference before late collapse.
5. FC Dallas (12-8-3). Denilson scores, Dallas wins; Hoops fans hope that becomes a trend.
6. New York (11-10-3). Inconsistency reigns in New York.
7. Chicago (8-10-5). What's scary is that these guys (Blanco, Wanchope, Conde) are all just learning to play in MLS.
8. Kansas City (9-9-6). Did Davy Arnaud really play against Brazil?
9. Colorado (7-10-7). Bouna Time to Zach Time meant Bad Times for all.
10. Columbus (6-8-10). Playoffs might be fading away.
11. Real Salt Lake (4-12-6). Showed some life after falling behind 4-1.
12. Los Angeles (4-11-5). No Donovan, no Beckham, Pavon didn't start yet scored three times as many goals as previous three league games combined... go figure.
13. Toronto FC (5-13-5). Will this team ever score again?

Lights Blaring rankings

1. DC United (13-6-3). Flexed muscles on road; rest of league should be trembling.
2. New England (12-5-6). Got caught by D.C. but still in prime position for one of East's top two spots.
3. Chivas USA (11-6-3). Host DC on Thursday; is it an MLS Cup preview?
4. Houston (11-7-6). Defense proves vulnerable, offense proves reliable even without Ching, Jaqua.
5. New York (11-9-3). And an Angel shall guide them.
6. FC Dallas (11-8-3). USOC was on their minds... how else can they explain 4-0 ass-kicking?
7. Chicago (7-10-5). Best double-digit loss team in the league by far.
8. Kansas City (9-9-6). Gained back a little respect they lost in Utah with gritty draw in Houston.
9. Colorado (7-9-7). Conor Casey's got some talent after all...
10. Columbus (6-7-10). ... as Sigi's side will attest to.
11. Real Salt Lake (4-11-6). Doubled season win total in span of four days.
12. Toronto (5-12-5). Is it time to blow up the roster for the third occasion?
13. Los Angeles (3-11-5). The stars have aligned into a black hole.

Lunar Blackout rankings

1. DC United (12-6-3). Next up: FCD, Chivas exams.
2. New England (12-5-6). New York's carlos Mendes helped keep Revs in number two hole.
3. Chivas USA (11-6-3). Last three matches: wins by 2-0, 3-0, 1-0.
4. Houston (11-7-5). Dynamo hold two-point edge over Chivas, for now.
5. FC Dallas (11-7-3). Will fight with Dynamo for second place when all said and done.
6. Chicago (7-9-5). New campaign: Blanco for MVP!
7. New York (10-9-3). Defense is still a mess.
8. Kansas City (9-8-5). Didn't Eddie Johnson used to play for this team?
9. Colorado (7-9-6). Has Fernando done enough to quiet "Fire Clavijo" crowd?
10. Columbus (6-7-9). Club may have peaked already.
11. Toronto FC (5-12-5). Nobody said expansion would be easy...
12. Real Salt Lake (2-11-6)... just ask these guys.
13. Los Angeles (3-10-5). Pub-esque results of late.

Lightning Bolt Rankings

1. D.C. United (10-6-3). Emilio's the real deal, but Moreno's fallen off badly.
2. New England (11-5-6). Made up for potentially damaging loss at Rapids with clutch win in K.C.
3. Houston (11-7-4). SuperLiga exit may have injected life into league campaign.
4. Chivas USA (9-6-3). If this team can maintain their level of play on the road, watch out.
5. FC Dallas (11-7-3). Sometimes, this team looks like world beaters. Other times, they just look average.
6. New York (10-7-3). Angel, Altidore score twice, Mathis has tremendous goal in epic victory.
7. Kansas City (8-7-5). Tumbling out of Eastern penthouse.
8. Chicago (6-8-5). Blanco-Wanchope-Rolfe could guide Chicago to playoffs...
9. Columbus (6-7-8). ... at Crew's expense.
10. Colorado (6-9-6). Signs of life in Colorado after all.
11. Toronto FC (5-11-5). Toronto lost their offense somewhere on their month-long road trip.
12. Los Angeles (3-8-5). Got one point from four-game Eastern swing.
13. Real Salt Lake (2-10-6). Didn't take long for them to fall back into cellar.

LB Rankings (Aug. 13)

It's the dog days of summer and the field is really starting to separate. The top four clubs right now are fairly close to each other but there's a noticeable gap between No. 4 and No. 5. Also, another trend that is surfacing - the worst clubs can be found in the Western Conference.

1. FC Dallas (11-6-3). Not the sexiest statistics but FC Dallas is MLS's best right now.
2. New England (10-4-6). Could a double be in Revs' future? Club is sure capable of pulling it off.
3. D.C. United (9-6-3). United starting to flex muscle.
4. Houston (10-7-4). First RSL, then Colorado. Is string of poor results a fluke?
5. Kansas City (8-6-5). Hopefully Wizards addressed defensive issues during time off.
6. Chivas USA (8-6-3). No action since July 29.
7. New York (9-7-3). We'd forgotten what the good Red Bulls team looked like.
8. Columbus (6-6-8). Come-from-ahead loss could cost the Crew come playoff time.
9. Chicago (5-8-5). Blanco-Wanchope-Rolfe triad could vault Fire into playoff chase.
10. Toronto FC (5-10-5). Competitive at home, not so much on the road.
11. Real Salt Lake (2-9-6). Just when RSL has a victory to build on, the club has a bye week.
12. Colorado (5-9-6). Who knew they had it in them to beat Houston?
13. Los Angeles (3-7-5). Going from bad to worse... wait, scratch that; going from terrible to ghastly.

LB Rankings (Aug. 6)

After a week off from the rankings, they return. Keep in mind, though, that I base these rankings solely on MLS results. SuperLiga, Open Cup, friendly results may be impressive or ghastly, but I prefer to base these MLS rankings on MLS results.

1. FC Dallas (10-6-3). Went from six goals allowed to a 1-0 shutout victory in return to MLS.
2. Houston (10-6-4). Defending champs upended by pesky RSL side; even the best can lose concentration for a game.
3. D.C. United (8-6-3). Demolished Revs in New England; is sleeping giant awake?
4. New England (9-4-6). Revs can use Open Cup to try and take out their frustrations and fix whatever went wrong against D.C.
5. Kansas City (8-6-5). Boast second-best offense in league; it's the defense we're worried about.
6. Chivas USA (8-6-3). Red-and-White on summer break.
7. Columbus (6-5-8). Guille won player of month for July; MVP award should await at year's end.
8. Chicago (5-8-5). Blanco plays 90, Wanchope and Rolfe come off bench... welcome back, Fire.
9. New York (8-7-3). Mediocre club may lose grip on playoff spot.
10. Toronto FC (5-9-4). Unlucky not to beat Galaxy.
11. Los Angeles (4-6-4). League games will start coming at them in a hurry; best be prepared.
12. Real Salt Lake (2-9-6). 1-0 in the post-Freddy era.
13. Colorado (4-9-6). Yes Daniel Osorno, we're also wondering what the hell you were thinking when you joined the Rapids.

LB rankings (July 23)

1. Houston (10-5-4). Streak's over, and so is league for now; champs look to SuperLiga.
2. FC Dallas (9-6-3). Dallas' secret no more: Juan Toja showed his skill in All-Star game
3. Chivas USA (7-5-3). Red-and-White is happy Seattle Sounders aren't in Western Conference.
4. Kansas City (7-5-5). Defensive issues cost Wizards points again.
5. New England (7-3-6). Three goals at home should always equal three points.
6. New York (8-6-3). So they can win without Juan Pablo Angel.
7. Columbus (6-5-7). Guille for MVP, hands down.
8. DC United (7-6-3). Will Veron became latest Argentine import? DC sure needs help.
9. Los Angeles (3-6-4). May move slightly due to others results, but Galaxy has to improve significantly by Aug. 5 if clubs wants a shot at playoffs.
10. Toronto FC (5-8-4). Learning what others around MLS have seen: Columbus is a pretty good team.
11. Colorado (4-8-6). Moral victory: Colorado doesn't look like hell and actually gains a point by doing so.
12. Chicago (4-8-4). Blanco debuts, Blanco scores; suddenly, there's hope in Chicago.
13. Real Salt Lake (1-8-6). Can't win an MLS game to save their lives but shut out an EPL team; go figure.

LB Rankings (July 16)

1. Houston (10-5-3). Setting new records in quest to repeat.
2. FC Dallas (9-6-3). To quote a reader's recent comment: Toja! Toja! Toja!
3. Chivas USA (7-5-3). Missing piece to championship puzzle could arrive soon.
4. Kansas City (7-5-4). Recovered from blowing two-goal lead with home shutout win.
5. New England (7-3-5). Revs pull out crucial road victory.
6. D.C. United (7-5-3). Defensive issues resurface... or did they ever leave?
7. New York (7-6-3). Angel goals, results have dried up.
8. Columbus (5-5-7). Loss shouldn't deter Crew; Sigi's team is an Eastern contender.
9. Toronto FC (5-7-4). Maintained shutout despite playing with 10 men for 48 minutes.
10. Los Angeles (3-6-4). No MLS games to worry about until Aug. 5, but club will be league's busiest team nonetheless.
11. Colorado (4-8-5). Hopefully Rapids' poor play at DSG Park doesn't carry over to MLS All-Stars.
12. Chicago (4-8-4). There is light at the end of the tunnel, and his name's Cuauhtemoc.
13. Real Salt Lake (1-8-6). Disturbingly awful side.

Turning up the AC

Dynamo: The line about defense winning championships might hold true
FC Dallas: The Texas twosome lead the race for points in the Western conference
New EnglandRevolution: The little team that could keeps going.
Kansas City Wizards: Might have found their mojo again.
Chivas USA: Best home record in the league
DC United; A tie is a loss when a team gives up a 3 goal lead.
New York Red Bull: It’s gotten bad when a team longs for the return of a 17 year old. Crew – coming on strong.
Toronto FC – Ecked out a point versus Houston
The Los Angeles Galaxy - we’re going down the rabbit hole soon, hopefully the team can survive the Beckham wonderland roadtrip.
Colorado Rapids - The Curse of the All-Star host - a crappy team
Chicago Fire: Slipsliding a ways away and perhaps out of Blanco's reach to save them.
Real Salt Lake: Does Fabio Capello want to come to the U.S. to straighten out this mess?

AC-E Rankings

1. Houston Dynamo: Summer and sunshine causes oranges to ripen.
2. New York Red Bulls: Slump could be over
3. FC Dallas: Toja is an All-Star, Ruiz is not
4. New England Revolution: With all hands on deck, Revs need to steady the ship
5. DC United: Troy Perkins starting to regain top form.
6. Kansas City Wizards: Yura Movsisyan could be top sub in league
7. Columbus Crew: Hard-working team gathering steam
8. Chivas USA: Toronto FC wishes it could trade for Preston Burpo
9. Colorado Rapids: Clavijo’s boys need to turn their season around, or he may not be around for long
10. Los Angeles Galaxy: Cobi Jones still has it in him
11. Chicago Fire: Needs every bit of any momentum that Blanco will bring
12. Toronto FC: Finally get road result.
13. Real Salt Lake: Going from worst to even worser.

LB Rankings Nueve de Julio

Summer tournaments are all but over and most MLS teams have their full contingent at their disposal. Whether or not that disrupts the order of the rankings remains to be seen.

1. Houston (9-5-2). With wins over New York and D.C. over four days, Dynamo is clearly best team in league at this moment.
2. FC Dallas (9-6-2). Clamped down a decent Chivas side at home to surge to 29 points.
3. New York (7-5-3). Embarrasing 4-0 loss to Houston followed by resilient 1-0 win in Colorado.
4. D.C. United (7-5-2). Failed to build on a strong mid-week victory in K.C.
5. Kansas City (6-5-4). No wins in last six games but still keeping pace in the East.
6. Chivas USA (6-5-3). 1-0-1 against New England in eight-day stretch; loss to FC Dallas, though, was disappointing.
7. New England (6-3-5). No mid-week game and return home still did not translate into victory.
8. Columbus (5-4-7). Slowly emerging as an Eastern force.
9. Toronto FC (5-7-3). Remember when this team had scoring problems? This team, though, is different... literally.
10. Los Angeles (3-6-4). The best of a lousy bunch at the bottom.
11. Colorado (4-8-5). Fernando Clavijo needs to go.
12. Chicago (4-7-4). Osorio's the man, but whether he'll squeeze water from rocks remains to be seen.
13. Real Salt Lake (1-7-6). Memo to Jason Kreis: when Freddy gets back, let him pull the strings of nothing else for entertainment purposes.

PR perspectives

The Power Rankings, that is.

El Bee Rankings

It's to the point of the year where it's easier to make a significant drop easier than it is to make a substantial climb on the strength of one result. For instance, the Revs dropped four slots from two to six after a 2-0 loss at Chivas USA but the Crew moved just one spot from 9 to 8 after a 1-0 win over New York. In fact, Columbus has only moved up four spots since going 3-0-1 in the last four.

With that, here are my weekly rankings.

1. Houston (7-5-2). Finally, MLS champs have climbed to the top spot.
2. New York (6-4-3). Lack of finishing did the Bulls in.
3. Kansas City (6-4-3). So much for a spotless record against Toronto FC.
4. FC Dallas (8-6-2). Western leaders have a minus-two goal differential.
5. D.C. United (6-4-2). Ben Olsen's absence over final half-hour slowed U.S.; his 90 minutes away did little to slow D.C.
6. New England (6-3-4). Crist, man - how could Adam have missed that sitter?
7. Chivas USA (6-4-2). Preston Burpo debuts with a shutout win, again.
8. Columbus (4-4-6). 3-0-1 in last four games puts the early-season woes out of memory.
9. Toronto FC (4-7-2). Surprising road result with Chivas USA's backup in net.
10. Colorado (4-7-4). Appalling loss at D.C.
11. Real Salt Lake (1-5-6). Just their luck: after a win and a chance to build momentum, RSL has a bye week
12. Chicago (4-6-3). I wonder if Ozzie Guillen knows anything about soccer.
13. Los Angeles (2-6-3) Can Carlos Pavon and Landon Donovan help this hapless club climb out of last place?